Mognet should have learned from ACWW

Final Fantasy III's attempt at wi-fi connectivity is needlessly frustrating compared to a similar feature in another DS game released nearly a year earlier.

The Mognet system the game uses to add side quests and multiplayer functionality is clunky and annoying, mostly because of the on-screen, touchable keyboard. It seems Square-Enix could have easily mimicked the standard QWERTY layout in Animal Crossing: Wild World.

As it is, the letters are arranged alphabetically and segregated by capitalization. The punctuation and special symbols are collected on a second page, along with—the space bar?! That's right, for those of you traditionalists who like a space between each word, you have to switch to the second screen, tap the lonely underscore-looking key near the bottom, then switch back to your precious alphabet. Could Square want all of America to start using CamelCase?

I understand the desire to retain the classic blue-and-silver-menus look Final Fantasy has become known for (right behind chocobos, airships, phoenix downs, spells ending in -aga, anime hairdos, prerendered cutscenes, and rereleases), but surely it would be possible to keep that look while giving the English-speaking world the QWERTY we're so used to.

[Images courtesy GameSpot and Square-Enix.]

Nintendo aims to destroy English

When Nintendo revealed the true name of their Revolution, everybody focused on its potential for crass humor. While this is admirable, a new trend has arisen, and it looks like this one could cleave the language asunder.

Beginning with "Wiimote," the online community has done an astounding job of creating portmanteaus around the name Wii. I've been guilty of it myself, and it got me wondering if there's a collection of Wii portmanteaus out there. Having found none, I started my own list:

• Wiimote
• Wiierd
• Wiitastrophe
• trageWii
• Wiimpressions (really, Thomas?)
• Wiities (Miyamoto's on the box)
• sWiit
• DWiiD (the free DVDs some retailers were handing out)
• liit (from the archaic "1337")
• Wiingrish (as in the crappy post image)
  

It's enough to make a linguaphile Wiip.

We'll be adding to this list whenever, so if you use a Wiirific concoction not posted yet, please let us know about it.

The spellchecker hates me so much.

Wiimpressions

I finally got a chance to play with a Wii, and quite frankly, it's as awesome as I ever wanted it to be.

The game of the hour was Wii Sports, and it gave me a chance to show what an uncoordinated schmuck I am. We began by bowling, which was probably my best showing. The controls are simple and intuitive. It's pretty much like actual bowling, except I can't drop anything heavy on my toes. That counts for a lot.

The baseball and boxing games were more difficult for me, especially since as a short person the Wii interpreted all my actions as being pretty low. I got in a few gut punches on boxing but couldn't really guard my face well enough to be worth anything. Baseball was pretty much one foul after another.

Golf took some getting used to. It's imperative that the player try not to flick the Wiimote too hard, as the console interprets this as a much harder stroke than was meant by the player. Of course, the entire thing could be done sitting on a couch with a series of wrist flicks, but I agree with Tycho and Gabe on this one.

The most popular game of the evening, and my favorite, was probably tennis. The inability to control where your character actually is can be a bit distressing, especially in doubles, but the game is immensely satisfying. Your stroke is determined by the way you swing the Wiimote, and that means you don't have to think too much about hitting B then A in rapid succession as in other tennis games (Mario Tennis, I'm looking at you). It's all a matter of timing. The urge to run around the room is distracting, but that's all in the fun of it.

As a completely unbiased journalist, I have to say that the Nintendo Wii is the single greatest invention known to man, and I intend to sell a kidney for one around New Year's Day.

Wii collateral damage mounting

In addition to shipping with Wii Sports, reports from around the country indicate Nintendo's console comes with danger at no extra cost.

Broken televisions, bruised loved ones, old football injuries flaring up again—has anyone trademarked "Wiitastrophe" yet?

Some admitted fanboys have gone so far as to create a site devoted to collecting stories of these, well, let's call them trageWiis.

Has anyone in the area had a similar problem? What have you done about it? Any local retailers willing to replace snapped Wiimote straps?

[Image courtesy Mayo Clinic.]

Found: DS Download Station

We've returned from traditional Thanksgiving activities like gorging on bird meat and conversing with family members, and I have something to be thankful for: After giving up the search, I finally found a DS Download Station in Knoxville.

I've been looking for one of these for at least a year. It seems PictoChat is the only DS main menu option I use less than Download Play, and I was excited when first I heard Nintendo was taking advantage of this feature to demo games, as I rarely buy a new game these days without trying it first. But with local retailers not having a station in-store, the big N wasn't helping anyone reach into my wallet.

I've heard of retailers not putting one up because of the lack of floor space in those cramped mall stores, but come on, it's a wireless signal. Stash it in the ceiling and tape a sign to the wall; I'll show. Best Buy doesn't seem to have the same claustrophobia issues, however, and they put the station at the end of the DS/GBA aisle. The games listed on the sign don't match what's available, though.

Demos:

• Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis
• Elite Beat Agents
• Clubhouse Games: Darts
• Clubhouse Games: Turncoat
• Danny Phantom Urban Jungle
  

Movies:

• Star Fox Command
• Spectrobes
• Star Trek: Tactical Assault
• Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day
  
• Big Brain Academy
  

Editorial comic courtesy of Eric Moore

Local blogger a motocross failure

While Thomas was crowding the aisle with his five-button jam session (from which the whammy bar was curiously missing), I was rocking and rolling in my own way on the PS3's MotorStorm demo. My previous impressions notwithstanding, this game was fun. I got to be a voluptuous female biker in a tight-fitting suit who likes to race her tiny, green bike against huge, mutant dune buggies.

The Sixaxis controller was mounted to the display stand, limiting its mobility, but I was able to determine what shifting one's weight midair via the thumbstick could accomplish: booty waggling in HD. I can only surmise that were I able to tilt the controller, exotic dance would commence.

The environment problems were still there, but the indefinable "fun factor" made up for occasional uglies in the Grand Canyon-like track. The game almost encouraged reckless acrobatics off the track's abundant cliff faces by switching to slow motion and not penalizing the player too much for experimenting with gravity. The driver's ragdoll physics were almost too much.

One minor feature I kept over-hyping to passersby was the mapping of accelerator and brake to the now-analog R2 and L2 triggers, respectively. Slowing down for turns felt more natural than slamming on full brakes or coasting. None of the strangers in Wal-Mart seemed to care about what I viewed as a critical success, but then again, I was practically reviewing the game aloud as I raced.

I finished in the top 12, but only because there wasn't a thirteenth racer there to pass me.

I look forward to getting my hands on the game again, but I hope Random Stoned Guy will cheer my busty biker babe to victory—or at least to her spectacular death—next time.

Local blogger a rock god

Last night John and I went to Wal-Mart to see if they had any Wiis. They didn't, so we decided to play with stuff before we left. I was happy to see a setup with Guitar Hero 2, which I had yet to play.

Let me establish that I'm a huge fan of the first game and rhythm games in general. That genre is likely the closest I'll ever come to truly rocking out. So when I heard there was a sequel my interest was piqued. The track list, to be honest, is frankly awesome. Mainly because it has Spinal Tap on it. Spinal Tap counts for an awful lot.

The complete track list, courtesy of Wikipedia.

The point of this post is that I was playing "War Pigs" when this guy came over and started rooting for me. He was convinced of my greatness. He grabbed his phone and told his friend about how awesome I am and made him listen. He stopped passers-by and made them watch. I was glowing with pride. He was glowing with what I assume was marijuana.

For journalistic integrity it is my duty to report that I'm really not all that awesome. I missed a good couple of notes and I was only playing on medium difficulty. I did break a hundred thousand points, but to be honest I haven't played enough to know how good that is. But one guy was moved, and I have succeeded at rock and roll. I want to give a shout out to random stoned guy from Wal-Mart. I do it for you.

XBox invades after-school snacktime

While browsing through my neighborhood grocery store the other day, I came across a green and white box of XBox-branded fruit rolls. The overwhelming urge to review this gaming/snack hybrid bested my usual rule about not eating anything with the word XBox on it, so I threw down the two bucks and took a box home.

The logo on the box, which matches what is imprinted on the neon green rolls, appears to be a mashup of the original XBox's and the 360's. Kellogg's marketing people don't want anyone to feel left out. Other than Sony and Nintendo fanboys, that is.

The flavor is "MEGABERRY," meaning 1,048,576 berries, which is a lot to pack into the 3.7-ounce (106-gram) box. Other than the corporate branding and X-treme berryment, the snack's major selling point is the game hints to be found inside. The hints from five games (all sequels) are printed on the rolls' paper backing, much like General Mills's Fruit by the Foot.

The snacks themselves are nothing special: generic fruit roll taste, poorly-stamped XBox logos. The hints, on the other hand, are infinitely helpful:

1. Burnout Revenge - "Watch the pre-crash junction videos carefully to prepare where and when you can cause the most damage."
2. Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Legend - Use the environment to your advantage.
3. Top Spin 2 - Where you aim the ball is as important as how hard you kick it.
4. Amped 3 - Combinations of moves make for high scores.
5. Star Wars: Battlefront II - The game is easier when you co-op with friends who are not complete morons.

Like I said, infinitely helpful if you're legally brain dead but can still read somehow.

This product is an obvious attempt to make a quick buck by slapping a popular brand onto a food item gamers already buy. The assumption that we buy fruit rolls comes from the stereotype that gamers are obese, when in reality, gamers enjoy physical exercise like power sliding shopping carts around grocery stores until I get those blue sparks.

But it is not a bad product. The hints may help the elderly enjoy their XBox games more, and the flavor, while certainly not deserving of the prefix "mega-," isn't any worse than most fruit snacks.

Kellogg's XBox Rolls get a 2.5 out of 5 for mediocrity in mediocre amounts.

PlayStation 3 disappoints

When we asked a kid in line why he wanted a PS3 badly enough to wait a week for it in the November weather, he responded in one word: graphics. Of the people not planning on selling the console on eBay, graphics was the common cry.

But when I observed two games (MotorStorm and NBA ‘07), I left less than impressed. I guess I expected next-gen graphics to be something more than a mere level of refinement comparable to what we say between the original PlayStation and the PS2.

The environments in MotorStorm, an off-road racer offering plenty of spectacular crashes, were inconsistent; the level of detail in the terrain varied greatly, making some hillsides look rife with rounded pebbles while others could have been impressive bitmaps stretched over a lonely polygon.

The single improvement on the b-ball court was the court itself. No longer is the flat surface stuck with a solid reflection: The individual boards in a wooden court reflect at slightly differing angles, which made me flashback to elementary school gym class.

It should be noted that launch titles historically have inferior graphics—and many other qualities—when compared to the system’s entire catalog. This is reasonable: programmers and artists cannot be expected to grasp a system’s strengths and limitations when it is young. I hope we see the PS3’s graphical capabilities—touted as being unsurpassable this generation—better utilized as the system matures.

Wal-Mart jumps the PS3 gun?

We strolled into the Walbrook Lane Wal-Mart (near Bearden High School) around 11 p.m., trying to catch an eyeful of midnight launch madness in the 24-hour store. There was no line visible outside as we approached, making us suspect the devoted followers of Sony’s latest might be camped out between the coconuts and the lingerie.

What we found was even more disturbing: There was no line at all. A sales representative staffing the electronics department told us in broken English the line was not there but at the front of the store, register 25. She apologized when telling us all 10 PS3s were “taken.” (We assumed she meant they were reserved or spoken for by the queuers.)

Upon reaching register 25, there was no line. There was no one. There was, however, a plastic Wal-Mart bag of lunch meat and bananas. We came to the conclusions that

1. we misunderstood the woman in electronics and
2. Wal-Mart must be making a killing feeding the queuers.

Midnight came and went without any sign of a major console launch. Could this particular Wal-Mart have sold the PS3s before midnight, when it was still Nov. 16? If so, was this store isolated in its decision, or did someone higher up make the mistake? And what possible consequences can Sony take against the retail giant? Tune in for the next installment of "The Knoxville Gamer and the Case of the Premature Launch."

Friendly crowd gathers for PS3 launch

It's Thursday night, it's cold, and thirty-six people are in line at the Best Buy in West Knoxville waiting to claim one of thirty-four Playstation 3s.

With all of the problems going on in places like here, here, and here, the decision by these fans to wait outside for so long was a risky one. John and I joined them to find out if they'd had any such problems, as well as to learn just what would drive them to risk robbery, gunfire, and hypothermia to be the first to own Sony's newest console.

The atmosphere of the area is one of optimism, anticipation, and friendliness. There are tents set up with generators for heaters, televisions, and various video games. Everyone is just excited to be there.

We talked to the gentlemen at the front of the line, all of them students from Bearden High School. The eight of them have been waiting in front of Best Buy since Monday. Brian Jobe (17), was the first in line. He gave us a rundown of what has gone on since he's been there.

Brian and seven friends arrived at 4:30 on Monday afternoon. As the first in line, they decided it was their obligation to make the entire experience an enjoyable one for everybody. They made numbered t-shirts for the first twenty-four people, including themselves, as well as started a list which they pasted to the wall.

When asked about any animosity from those who arrived later, Brian told us that while there was some bickering early on regarding what constituted "leaving the line," but that such arguments were eventually dissipated. The storm Wednesday night, which blew over tents and televisions, was something of a bonding experience, he told us, during with they all banded together and fetched nearby large rocks to hold down things.

Support from the community has been enormous. Parents have brought food, girlfriends have shown support to their boys and even held their places in line. One morning at nearly six o'clock, the campers were awakened to the sound of air- and car horns, as well as shouts that the "geeks" should "get jobs" and that they have "brought the classifieds" for them. After much mumbling and shouting for the offenders to go away, the campers finally exited their tents to be greeted by a local news team, who treated them to a hot breakfast before covering their story.

Brian told us that "I don't think there's anywhere I'd rather be."

Local stores experience high PS3/Wii demand

A phone survey of video game retailers in town revealed high demand for both Sony and Nintendo's new systems.

Of the four stores who would answer The Knoxville Gamer's questions, three had taken preorders for their allotments of both PlayStation 3s and Wiis. But because of production issues, one store's first shipment of PS3s will be smaller than originally promised.

The GameStop inside West Towne Mall reported their six Premium PS3s would still be arriving, but the two Basic models would be AWOL. As GameStop allows two systems for employees, this store decided to cancel their own employees' preorders so that customers would not be disappointed.

The store's first shipment of 18 Wiis was also spoken for quickly, according to employee David Carter.

The Turkey Creek EB Games, however, will receive 16 PS3s, all but 2 being Premium models. In addition to a larger number of the consoles, the store suffered no cutbacks due to shortages or shipping problems. Their employees' two preorders are intact, as well. They expect the second shipment to arrive in early December.

The store will receive 17 Wiis, but employee Chris Goode said they had all been pre-ordered before the store opened.

Both stores were disappointed their Wii demo kiosks have not yet arrived. EB Games said a Nintendo representative was in-store Wednesday, but he or she must not have taken the trouble to haul the diminutive console around. Delayed shipments containing the kiosks was the story all over town.

Best Buy did not offer preorders on either system, and employee Tyler Roberson expects to sell out of both the 26 PS3s (20 Premium, 6 Basic) and the "minimum amount" of Wiis within 45 minutes. The store does have a PS3 set up for play. Best Buy opens Friday at 10 a.m.

While calling around, I heard a rumor that there is already a line for the PS3 at one of the local Wal-Marts. As the 24-hour superstores will be the first place consumers can get their hands on the system, The Knoxville Gamer will try to be there for interviews and pictures of the launch event.

Song selection highlights American Elite Beat Agents

As a lover of both video games and music, I get a certain thrill when they come together just right. Nintendo's Elite Beat Agents for the Nintendo DS, the English-speaking world's remake of the smash Japanese hit Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan, gets the formula just right with an inspired track list of 19 songs covering everything from Earth, Wind & Fire to Good Charlotte.

What seemed at first to be the result of some corporate executive's compromise of his own iTunes library with what he thought his children listen to turned out to be a brilliant strategic move to populate a rhythm game with at least one song that could appeal to anybody.

Ouendan's 15 songs are entirely J-Rock, and even though they range in mood from power ballads to in-your-face power chord love fests, I got the feeling there needed to be more diversity in the game's hour of music. After all, music drives these games; their tap-in-rhythm gameplay doesn't make sense with the volume down.

Thankfully, the choice of songs in our localization is just as wacky and addictive as the gameplay, which itself feels fresh on the DS. Now if only I could get "Sk8er Boi" out of my head...

All the news that's fit to LPRINT

The partying in Knoxville is out of control. I ate a whole bag of sunflower seeds and drank a bottle of water. Also "The Simpsons" just ended.

So, I'm the sort of person who turns the music off in most of my games. I know, I'm terrible, but it's an old habit. I'm looking for others with the same habit, and I ask you this: What is your favorite alternative gaming music? I, for one, tend to listen to a mix of Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and Willie Nelson while I WoW. Good solid man music.

Back to FF3 for me now.

Gaming news for gaming Knoxvillians

The staff of The Knoxville Gamer is currently celebrating the blog's kickoff at a launch party the likes of which has never been seen in East Tennessee.

Actually, we're both just playing FF3 for DS. But we party like gamers because that's what we are, and that's what The Knoxville Gamer is all about. We will strive to be a dependable, respectable source of video game information and commentary as it relates to gamers from the East Tennessee area.

This local gaming blog was created because those bigger blogs can't cover local news, and local gamers had no access to collected, unbiased information specific to where they live.

And just for the record, The Knoxville Gamer launched a day ahead of the PS3—and without the shortages.